Honesty Within
Stacie Watts, MS, LMFT
When was the last time that you were honest with yourself? When was the last time you didn't make excuses for your actions, thoughts, or deeds? Being honest with yourself is a difficult task at best. Being honest with yourself means you get down to the nitty gritty and scrape away the layers of excuses and blame. For many it is easier to point the finger of blame to someone else instead of taking the time to look within to see what they may be doing to perpetuate a situation. For most situations, more than one person is involved; however, when was the last time you took a long hard look at what you might be doing to contribute to the pain, sadness, guilt, or anger that you are feeling in your life?
It is difficult to look within. Most of us have become pros at romanticizing or justifying things so that we can make it through each day without feeling the weight of whatever burden we may be carrying. Others are continually looking inside and are full of self-doubt and blame. So, where is that happy medium? Where can we take responsibility for our actions and find the peace that we deserve? I think that is a tricky question and in all reality, there probably is not any right answer as each situation is different and each person is different. It is best to stop and do some soul searching to determine what you are made of. What kind of person are you? Are you a people pleaser or do you take the attitude that you are going to do what you need to do no matter how many bridges you burn along the way?
Discovering your inner self is the first step to uncovering what lies deep within you. Sit down and make a list of what characteristics you pride in yourself. What characteristics do you like others to see in you? Now, take some time to write down what characteristics you would like to change. What are those characteristics that you wish you could just hide away? Spend some time thinking about what kind of people you enjoy being with? Do you tend to gravitate towards those people with personalities like yours or do you like to be in mixed company? Taking the time to do these activities may help to reveal within you what makes you tick. The ultimate goals would be to help you understand more about yourself, the way you interact with others, and how you can take charge of your life to help change a situation that you find yourself in.
Be kind to yourself, but be honest as well. Remember, change is a scary and slow process. No one said it would be easy. Pick a certain situation in your life that you are feeling particularly stressed about and think about what you could do differently to bring about a change. Any change, no matter how small is positive and with time, hopefully you will see a change in the circumstances that are causing you any stress or pain.